Archives For November 2012

Getting your BF into Kink

Fossil9 —  November 18, 2012 — 1 Comment

On a few occasions guys that are getting into bondage have asked for advice on how to get their partner to give it a shot.  To be fair, I probably should not be giving advice since I have been with my partner for the past 12 years although I actually was in this situation when my partner TOIL and I first started dating.

My ground shattering advice is to ask your boyfriend if he is in to it.  There are plenty of things that could happen after you bring up the topic but be prepared for one of three different reactions:

  • Response 1 – “Sweet, I love the idea!”
  • Response 2 – “I am not really into it but hey, let’s give it a try.”
  • Response 3 – “No, I’m not willing to do that.”

Response 1 – “Sweet, I love the idea!”
There is a possibility that your boyfriend is sitting there trying to figure out how to bring up the idea of bondage with you.  If this is the case, you are in luck.  The next hard part will likely be determine who will Dom and who will be the sub (note: I am using the terms Dom/sub loosely in this context).  Given the ratio of subs to Doms be prepared to participate in both roles.

Chat with your boyfriend about what you want to try and what he is into.  Agree to what you guys want to do your first few times so there are not any surprises that interfere with your relationship. 

Response 2 – “I am not really into it but hey, let’s give it a try.”
This is the response that you are most likely to encounter after you have worked up the nerve to discuss doing bondage with your boyfriend.  In this situation, you have to be careful.  You do not want to scare him or push him too far too fast.  Talk things through with him and find out what he is into. 

You need to understand if he is simply doing this for you or if he is genuinely interested in bondage.  What role do you want to play in it?  What role do you want him to play?  For your first few times keep it simple.  Use some rope and/or a pair of handcuffs your first few times.  These items are inexpensive and easy to obtain.  Avoid breath control, pain, or any other activity that may be risky or push either of you near your limits.  Until you both have some experience it is difficult to truly know what your limits are.  What you enjoy fantasizing about having happen to you is likely to be well beyond your limits when you are first starting out.

Start out slow – you can always do more in the future.  And remember, nothing can take the place of a solid and honest conversation with your boyfriend about bondage.

Response 3 – “No, I’m not willing to do that.”
If your boyfriend is unwilling to give bondage a try do not fight it.  One cannot be forced to enjoy something they do not enjoy.  Give him some time, if it is a deal breaker then accept it for what it is.  He may come around and he might not.  Can your bondage desire be fulfilled through porn?  Can you find other mutual sexual interests to explore?

The right “vanilla” partner in your life will always be more fulfilling than all the hottest kinky sex you could ever have.  Although some people lose sight of this fact, there is much more to life than kink. 

If you are sitting there thinking your boyfriend may assume you are a freak and will break up with you at the mere mention of bondage – you might as well bring it up.  Chances are you are overestimating his reaction.  If this is the type of question that will end your relationship you two will soon find something else that will likely end it anyway; so let your freak flag fly.

Keep in mind:  “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” ~Nora Roberts

113 (boundand / blog) was in town for MIR and I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend some time with him.  During his visit I knew I wanted to have him in a predicament position so I could see him in a bit of discomfort.  The position is comprised mostly of elements I have already used in other positions that I have already shared on my blog.

It started out pretty comfortable for 113; a pad I had made for a different cage was on top of my pup cage.  113 was ordered up on top of the cage so I could get him secured how I wanted him.  Butterfly nipple clamps were secured on his nipples with a rope tied to the chain between the clamps.  He was then forced to hold the string in his mouth and the other end of the rope went through an anchor point where it was tied to a ball weight.  If 113 let go of the rope in his mouth the weight would fall to the floor and pull his nipple clamps off.  His balls were secured with a parachute to another anchor point in the ceiling. A position like this helps reinforce in a sub’s mind that he can safely go through much more discomfort than he actually thinks he can.  He just needs incentive to get through it and someone to hold him accountable.

The first picture shows me getting the parachute secured to him, just before I had him get his balls up in the air so I could ensure the chain was nice and tight.  In this picture one can see the full rope/weight setup on the lower right side.  It is partially obstructed in the second picture below.

11.2.12 - 113 - 35 - To Post

The picture below shows the finished product of this position.  You probably already noted that his wrists and ankles are not secured.  Normally I would use either hand/leg cuffs in a position like this or I would secure the sub’s wrists and ankles in another manner.  Theoretically he could have used his hands to pull the nipple clamps off or to remove the parachute.  However, I know 113 well enough to know that my presence in the building was enough to prevent him from doing so.  There was no doubt in my mind that he would go through the discomfort of the position and, if necessary, allow the position to fail by letting go of the rope in his mouth as opposed to using his hands to get himself out of the position.  He did not disappoint and that, gentlemen, is obedience.

11.2.12 - 113 - 42 - to Post

Rubber? MIR 2012

Fossil9 —  November 7, 2012 — Leave a comment

This past weekend I spent a lot of time at MIR with my partner and some close friends.

The fact that an event like this is run on an all volunteer basis is really impressive.  Numerous people from Chicago, around the country, and around the world spent a portion of their weekend volunteering.  Additionally, a smaller group of people work throughout the year to plan the events and ensure everything is in place for a smooth weekend.  I really appreciate the time and effort from these individuals to put on MIR.

This event was enough to confirm what I already knew.  Rubber is an interest of mine but I would classify it as a tertiary interest.  To be clear, I appreciate rubber on a guy – especially when combined with bondage.  Rubber can get in the way of some of the more functional aspects of gear I enjoy which is one of my issues with rubber when it is on a sub.  Additionally, the feel of rubber on my skin is not something I particularly enjoy.  I spent all of Friday in my rubber polo and rubber jeans and by the end of the day I was ready to get back in my camo and vest.

I understand why some really like rubber and it has a significant role in the kink community.  That being said, rubber will be part of my kink life in the future.  People and interests change, maybe rubber will work its way up my list of kink interests.

This past weekend was an incredible amount of fun because of the time I was able to spend with my friends and that is always the best part of any kinky event.  Thanks to everyone that made this past weekend special for me!

On a side note – In the next week or so I will be back to posting more thoughtful posts than some of those from the past couple months.