Accountability Outside the Playroom

Fossil9 —  August 14, 2012 — 6 Comments

I already touched on controlling a sub outside of the playroom in my post “Location Tracking a Sub“. Several subs have since messaged me telling me how much they enjoy being given constraints or boundaries in how they live their life.

Some subs enjoy being told how to dress, how to groom themselves, what they eat etc.  With the right sub this can be a lot of fun.  Out of this type of control my favorite is probably controlling the sub’s  haircut.  While a haircut is not permanent it will last for a few weeks.  If the new hair cut is significantly different than what the sub typically has his friends, family, and coworkers may ask why he changed.  Every time someone brings up the change the sub is reminded that someone else made that decision for him. 

If I am going to set boundaries for a sub in their day to day life I consider a few things.  The main consideration is the sort of D/s relationship I have with the sub, I do not do this with subs that are new to me.  That being said, the most important consideration is accountability.  If a sub is going to be given orders to follow there needs to be a mechanism for the Dom to ensure accountability.  This generally can be accomplished through the camera in the sub’s smartphone.  I will send a text to the sub and tell him the specific type of picture to send to prove he is currently following orders.  That way I can be sure the sub does not take pictures ahead of time.

Keep your sub accountable

Puppy Gear

6 responses to Accountability Outside the Playroom

  1. That’s basically what I like to do with my online slaves.

  2. Hi. Can I ask a question please… Interesting article this. I’m currently a slave/boy/sub in a virtual friendship (relationship?) with a Sir. I’m very much enjoying it but it’s my first time and so new to me… My question is, what rights does the sub have? For example, if my Sir asked me to get my head shaved, I wouldn’t do it. A shaved head wouldn’t suit me at all, plus I have another reason for not fulfilling this request. Now, for the record, he’s never made this request to me, but if he did, what rights does a sub have? Can I say no without upsetting my Sir? Surely a sub has some say in what controls his Sir puts on him?

    • BearPaul,

      As a sub you have all the rights you do as a human being. You may give up control over certain aspects of your life to a Dom but you should only do so with a Dom that will take the time to understand and respect your limits. Be sure to take the time to understand your limits and communicate those to your Dom. You also need to be sure he actually understands and will respect your limits. Keep in mind you can always expand your limits.

      If a Dom tries to push you beyond your limits you can always say “no”. Many Doms will want to push you to your limits or test your limits but this requires an element of trust between you two.

      In reality, a sub is always in control. A Dom only has the control that a sub gives him.


    • Thank you very much for the detailed reply, it is appreciated.

  3. It’s interesting that very few Doms are willing to work with a sub who has significant limits, such as BearPaul, and myself.

    • Everyone is at a different place with their interests and limits. There are plenty of Doms out there that do not mind working with a sub’s ‘significant’ limits.

      Two things come to mind that might be an issue for a Dom in this situation:

      -A Dom will want to know the “sandbox” (limits) they can operate in with the sub. Once they know the “sandbox” they want to be able to operate at their discretion within those limits. Depending upon the limits, a Dom might find that the sandbox is not big enough for them to enjoy.

      -The second factor is the limited time most people have. Most people in the community have personal lives, interests, careers, and relationships that are prioritized over playtime. If a Dom only has time to play infrequently they should be selective with their time.

      My advice is to look for common ground with a Dom. If there is not enough common ground between a sub’s interests and the Dom’s interests it is best not to ‘force’ the D/s relationship between the two of you. You can still get to know Doms in the community and over time you might realize there is more common ground than the two of you initially thought.


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