“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
The prior quote from Maya Angelou has been engrained in my brain since I first heard it back in 2008. Some things that we hear really resonate with us, this quote resonated with me. It applies both to non-kinky and kinky aspects of my life but I’ll keep it focused upon my scenes for purposes of this post.
When I Dom I am really looking for more than just locking a guy up and being able to have my way with him. I want to share an experience with my partner and the sub. It is hard to describe although I suspect most of you understand what I mean. Taking our shared experience to another level requires a little forethought but that is true in most things in life. Here are some of the things I may consider in advance of a scene to help create an experience:
- Why am I interested in the sub?
- What am I going to get out of our time?
- What will the sub get out of it the session?
- Why is he interested?
- What is his experience?
- What are his expectations?
- What can I learn?
Each time with each sub will be different and some of these questions are more important at various times. This helps me set up a framework for what I want to do during a scene but it will not give me a specific step by step plan for the scene. During the flow of the scene my partner and I will adjust as necessary to maximize everyone’s enjoyment. To be clear, this does not work every time and it will not work for everyone. However, I have found investing a little bit of time up front has provided me with better experiences than leaving things to chance.