Archives For Writings for Pups

In my post about numbering subs I refer to a trip I took to San Francisco and Mr. S Leather back in 2009.  While there I ordered our leather pup hood which, just a year or so before, I never thought I would want.

If we rewind three or four years prior to this trip pup play was around but it was not as prominent as it is today.  At first I was admittedly skeptical of the idea that a guy would want to act like a dog and I had little interest in being a Dom or handler in this situation.  I thought of pup play in a very literal sense which resulted in my general lack of interest in it. 

Luckily I had a sub that was rather submissive and pup like although he did not express an explicit interest in pup play.  I was his first Dom and as we explored general BDSM interests together we ended up incorporating aspects of pup play into our D/s relationship.  We had no explicit intention to get into pup play, rather we figured out what we were interested in with each other and the evolution into pup play was rather natural.  This evolution had an important and lasting impact on both of us. 

The reason I share this story is to help illustrate that if you are an active kinkster over time your tastes will change.  Your tastes almost certainly will expand to include some things you never thought would be of interest to you.  This lesson is something I really wish I would have known when I first started playing with others.  In all likelihood this knowledge would not have changed what I did but it would have given me a different perspective and I probably would have been better earlier on in vetting subs’ interests. 

Demeanor

Fossil9 —  December 27, 2012 — 1 Comment

It is easy for a sub to overlook his demeanor but this is an incredibly important quality in a sub.  If you have not already, give some consideration to the type of sub you want to be.  Also consider when you want to have this demeanor.  Do you want to be in sub mode 24/7?  Only while you are around other kinksters?  Only in the playroom?  If you are a sub do not over think this, just be yourself and your sub side will come out.

Doms tend to feed off a sub’s non-verbal feedback during a scene.  A simple glance or moan from a sub can speak volumes in a scene.  I like to interact with a sub during a session; the few times I have played with a sub that is quiet and completely passive I have found myself a bit bored.  This type of sub is fine and there are plenty of Doms that would enjoy a sub with that demeanor.  More often than not I suspect the sub in this situation is ‘actively’ shutting down because they are not sure how to act.  What I mean is that the sub is not sure how they are allowed to interact with the Dom in a scene so they simply react to literal orders and little more.  In excess of 90% of communication is non-verbal and if that body language is turned off a sub becomes significantly harder to read.

How a sub reacts to a Dom in a scene is as important as what the Dom does with the sub.  This is the time to let your sub side take over and react appropriately.  The Dom will help with his interaction.  For example – If a sub screws up I generally do not need to let him know he screwed up.  I simply need to give him “the look” and he usually gets himself figured out quickly.  The sub does not need to say a word and it is usually pretty easy to see if he is testing his boundaries or legitimately screwed up.  Of course, a couple pups I regularly play with can give me “the look” right back and keep themselves out of too much of trouble

December 1st is World AIDS Day and while there are number of events and activities one can do to participate I am going to use this as a reminder to everyone to get tested for HIV.  I took some time yesterday to get tested again since it had been a few months since I was last tested.  In my post Recommendations To a New sub Setting Up his First Session I hit upon this but in addition to knowing your own status you should also ask your play partners if they have any STD’s.  For those of you in the United States you can click here to find HIV and STD testing centers in your area.

Know your status, know your partners’ status, and share your status with your partner(s).  My results came back negative.

If you are in the Chicago area and not sure where to get tested check out Howard Brown Health Center Walk-in Clinic.  HIV and syphilis testing are both free at the walk-in clinic.  The clinic also provides a number of other services and treatments as well – check out their website for more information. 

Finally, consider donating money or time to an organization, such as the Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago, that helps improve the lives of those with HIV/AIDS and works to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS in our community.