Fossil9 —  December 27, 2012 — 1 Comment

It is easy for a sub to overlook his demeanor but this is an incredibly important quality in a sub.  If you have not already, give some consideration to the type of sub you want to be.  Also consider when you want to have this demeanor.  Do you want to be in sub mode 24/7?  Only while you are around other kinksters?  Only in the playroom?  If you are a sub do not over think this, just be yourself and your sub side will come out.

Doms tend to feed off a sub’s non-verbal feedback during a scene.  A simple glance or moan from a sub can speak volumes in a scene.  I like to interact with a sub during a session; the few times I have played with a sub that is quiet and completely passive I have found myself a bit bored.  This type of sub is fine and there are plenty of Doms that would enjoy a sub with that demeanor.  More often than not I suspect the sub in this situation is ‘actively’ shutting down because they are not sure how to act.  What I mean is that the sub is not sure how they are allowed to interact with the Dom in a scene so they simply react to literal orders and little more.  In excess of 90% of communication is non-verbal and if that body language is turned off a sub becomes significantly harder to read.

How a sub reacts to a Dom in a scene is as important as what the Dom does with the sub.  This is the time to let your sub side take over and react appropriately.  The Dom will help with his interaction.  For example – If a sub screws up I generally do not need to let him know he screwed up.  I simply need to give him “the look” and he usually gets himself figured out quickly.  The sub does not need to say a word and it is usually pretty easy to see if he is testing his boundaries or legitimately screwed up.  Of course, a couple pups I regularly play with can give me “the look” right back and keep themselves out of too much of trouble

Puppy Gear

One response to Demeanor

  1. Having never played before, I’ve always wondered how I would respond at the hands of another man? This article, Demeanor, and a previous one you did on Head Space, have been very informative for me and also made me worried that perhaps I’ll screw things up if I do ever get to play with a guy. But they are great reads, keep them coming…

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