It always surprises me how quickly some subs are willing to give themselves over to a Dom they have never met. Certainly there is excitement for a sub in finding a Dom and handing himself over to the Dom after exchanging only a few introductory messages. I can only imagine how intense it must be for a sub to be making his way to an unknown Dom’s playspace. Putting himself at the mercy of a Dom that has only a basic framework of what the sub’s interests and limits are. The complete lack of control likely makes for a profound Butterfly Moment.
As a Dom I really struggle with these kinds of situations. In some cases I believe that the sub is looking to experience what I mention in the previous paragraph and I certainly respect that. In some other situations I think the sub either does not understand the risks or simply does not care about them. While I do not understand why safety would not be of paramount concern to a sub I believe that, as adults, we should be able to make informed choices about our actions.
My interest in having a scene with a new sub where he offers himself as a “clean slate” has gone from something that really excited me about 10 years ago to something that borders on being a turn-off for me. There are several reasons for this change; I believe the primary one being that I have matured significantly over the past 10 years. My enjoyment of Doming a sub is heavily influenced by the sub’s enjoyment of their role under my control. Another key to my enjoyment is having earned the sub’s trust rather than simply having the sub’s trust.
There is a difference between earning a sub’s trust and the sub just giving their trust to the Dom. I think it is easier to push a sub’s limits and grow the D/s relationship when the Dom has earned the sub’s trust rather than when a lower level of trust is given by the sub. Pushing a sub near his limits and growing my D/s relationship with the sub is rewarding for both of us. The best way to do this, for me, is on a solid foundation of trust.