Fossil9 —  August 31, 2012 — 3 Comments

Headspace helps make a scene a good one.  A Dom can help a sub get into the right headspace through communication prior to a scene.  In advance of a scene it is important that both parties agree to what is and what is not OK.  What do each of you want to get out of your time together?  What do you want to try?  What are your limits?  I already mentioned this in a prior post titled Recommendations to a New sub Setting up his First Session.  Having all of these items cleared up in advance will allow both the sub and the Dom to focus upon enjoying the scene.

If the Dom needs to stop the scene in order to ask “Are you ok?” or “How does this feel?” (etc…) it can jolt the sub out of his role and back into reality quickly.  Like it or not, it is not as simple for the sub to jump back into the sub headspace.

For some subs, being required by a Dom to respond or act in a specific manner will help a sub get into the scene.  At the start of a scene a Dom can test how well the sub follows those orders and have the sub modify his actions.  Often a sub will be very soft spoken which is something I normally address quickly.  Doing things like this at the start of a scene can help lay a framework for a sub to live into during a scene.  For many this will help them get into the appropriate headspace.
As a Dom, my headspace is just as important in a scene.  While bondage is by far my #1 kink interest I enjoy it infinitely more when there is a D/s aspect to it.  Lately I have found that I lose interest in a sub quickly if he is only interested in bondage without some of the other typical aspects of power exchange.

Puppy Gear

3 responses to Headspace

  1. How do you know if/to what extent a sub is their headspace?

    • The best way for me to tell is through my interactions with a sub. The cues I pick up on are primarily non-verbal ones. The tone and timing of a sub’s responses to me can tell a lot about how into it they are. When not interacting verbally with a sub I can see how they are responding to the restraints and the position they are in.


  2. Your timing is uncanny because I’ve just been thinking about headspace the past few days. Having never played before, and being a sub, I’ve always wondered if I would be successful at reaching the headspace for a scene? For example, do I play rough, fight the Top, or do I respect the Top and do as ordered? I hope if I ever get to play that I do not let my Sir down…

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