Intimidation has long held a negative connotation in my mind. Typically, I associate this word with intentional aggressive behavior intended to influence another person’s actions. It was rather surprising to me in a recent conversation when not one but two subs let me know that they found me intimidating…in a “good way”. My reaction transitioned from surprise to confusion with a hint of trepidation.
boundand (formerly FLABound) explores this conversation more in his blog post on his new blog Growing In Kink by boundand – be sure to bookmark the new page! Back to my thoughts…the feedback I previously received from 113 and 79 was very positive so the start of our conversation caused a feeling of cognitive dissonance. As our discussion progressed I began to understand why they felt intimidated and I also became more comfortable with them having those feelings. As 113 mentions in his post, four themes comprised his feeling of intimidation: respect, confidence, fear, and mystery. Where I was concerned that 113 and 79 felt “forced” to do as they were told I had simply invoked feelings within them where they wanted (and still want) to please me. This was really a conversation about headspace.
To an extent these traits can come together in a Dom to cause a feeling of intimidation, in a good way. Ultimately it gets down to the headspace you want to be in. Not every sub will want these traits in a Dom and not every Dom will want to invoke these feelings in a sub. The great thing about this community is that it is so diverse and everybody brings something slightly different to the table.