With IML coming up in about a week people from all over the world will converge on Chicago. Many of us will need to make important decisions about safe sex throughout the weekend so I thought this would be an appropriate time to share some general considerations about the decisions we make. While I advocate both playing and having sex in a safe manner I respect that some consenting adults may make different decisions.
I have alluded to this idea in past posts but we all tend to make different choices when we are aroused than when we are not stimulated. On a couple occasions I have informally experimented with this on subs. For example, prior to any session with a new sub I take some time to chat with the sub so I can understand their interests and limits. During an actual session, when a sub is aroused, a few interesting things happen. Subs tend to be more open to pushing their limits and they tend to be interested in additional things. All of a sudden, licking the boot of the man standing in front of him goes from being uninteresting to a big turn on for the sub. The inverse of this situation may also occur – if a sub is jerking off while communicating his interests and limits he may find that he is not into those same things unless he is very horny at any given moment in a scene.
All of us have experienced ourselves making different decision or finding different interests when we are horny than when we are not. This concept is analogous to the decisions people make when they are sober vs. when they are drunk. Few people would argue that they make their best decisions while they are drunk. Do we make our best decisions while we are horny? Probably not.
Getting back to my point – take some time and think about the sexual activities you are likely to engage in when you are aroused. And, while you are not stimulated, decide what you are (not) willing to do sexually and decide how you will do so in a safe manner. Then, when you are horny, you just need to apply the decision you previously made. As an example – if you may end up having anal sex with someone make the decision, in advance, to use a condom. Do not leave this decision up to your horny alter-ego. You should also keep some condoms on you so you are less tempted to forgo one when you are horny and might not make the best long-term decision for yourself. Instead of saying to yourself that it is OK to skip a condom”just this time” tell yourself “not this time”. Make your safe sex decisions in advance and make the commitment to yourself to honor them, no matter the situation.
I also encourage you to check out the video about the “Rule of 3” for an interesting idea about an approach to safer sex.
We owe it to each other to play safe.