“People…will never forget how you make them feel”

Fossil9 —  March 3, 2014 — Leave a comment

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I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

The prior quote from Maya Angelou has been engrained in my brain since I first heard it back in 2008.  Some things that we hear really resonate with us, this quote resonated with me.  It applies both to non-kinky and kinky aspects of my life but I’ll keep it focused upon my scenes for purposes of this post.

When I Dom I am really looking for more than just locking a guy up and being able to have my way with him.  I want to share an experience with my partner and the sub.  It is hard to describe although I suspect most of you understand what I mean.  Taking our shared experience to another level requires a little forethought but that is true in most things in life.  Here are some of the things I may consider in advance of a scene to help create an experience:

  • Why am I interested in the sub?
  • What am I going to get out of our time?
  • What will the sub get out of it the session?
  • Why is he interested?
  • What is his experience?
  • What are his expectations?
  • What can I learn?

Each time with each sub will be different and some of these questions are more important at various times.  This helps me set up a framework for what I want to do during a scene but it will not give me a specific step by step plan for the scene.  During the flow of the scene my partner and I will adjust as necessary to maximize everyone’s enjoyment.  To be clear, this does not work every time and it will not work for everyone.  However, I have found investing a little bit of time up front has provided me with better experiences than leaving things to chance.

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