Signaling In a Scene

Fossil9 —  November 11, 2013 — 1 Comment

If you have been following my blog for awhile you likely have seen that the importance of communication is a recurring theme.  In both my professional and kink lives I have seen poor communication cause significant, potentially relationship ending, problems.  Playcurious even included the importance of communication in his recent post that he wrote for my blog:

•    Setup times to talk frankly to the Dom, where you cannot be punished and feel free to talk about anything and everything in the scene, what you liked, what you didn’t, what was good and bad. It’s useful. Communication is important, and critical to ensuring everyone has a good time.

Another major form of communication is non-verbal communication and more specifically, peering through the lens of economics, signalling.  The problem here is overcoming information asymmetry.  Put another way – during a scene both the Dom and the sub have information about their level of enjoyment which, ideally, they will signal to the other party.  Stopping a scene to have a conversation about what is (not) working can kill the flow of the scene and this is where signalling comes in.

Throughout a scene as the Dom does things to you or with you give non-verbal feedback so the Dom can gauge your enjoyment.  Even when you are tightly restrained and gagged you have a number of options to convey your enjoyment or lack thereof.  Moaning and whimpering are two ways that quickly come to mind.  The way you moan or whimper can convey your level of enjoyment or distress.  The way you move or wriggle within restraints, the timing in which you respond to orders, even the speed and deepness of the breaths you take can be used to signal what is (not) working to the Dom.  These signals, in conjunction with the expectations laid our between the sub and Dom in advance of the scene, can be used by the Dom to guide the scene.  Additionally, when a scene turns to interests that have not been fully vetted ahead of time these signals can help guide where the scene goes.  Provide your play partner feedback throughout a scene to help guide each other where to explore next.

Puppy Gear

One response to Signaling In a Scene

  1. Just want to say I definitely agree. It’s useful in a scene if I can judge off of how hard the sub is, for instance, if what I just switched to is working or if I should try something else when I’m domming. Reading them properly though, especially what different guys variations are definitely takes a lot of work (and fun practice ;). As a sub I definitely try to indicate when things aren’t going well or I’m particularly enjoying something, so that whatever it is can be used more effectively against me. It’s always fun to be bound, shown something new, and be able to let the dom know that it’s okay to dive deep into it.

    I do worry some about a sub using back channels to control a scene or to get out / as a sign to ease up when really if you went just a little further it would be something they really want (Although ahead of time negotiation can work some of those out).

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