“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
The prior quote from Maya Angelou has been engrained in my brain since I first heard it back in 2008. Some things that we hear really resonate with us, this quote resonated with me. It applies both to non-kinky and kinky aspects of my life but I’ll keep it focused upon my scenes for purposes of this post.
When I Dom I am really looking for more than just locking a guy up and being able to have my way with him. I want to share an experience with my partner and the sub. It is hard to describe although I suspect most of you understand what I mean. Taking our shared experience to another level requires a little forethought but that is true in most things in life. Here are some of the things I may consider in advance of a scene to help create an experience:
Why am I interested in the sub?
What am I going to get out of our time?
What will the sub get out of it the session?
Why is he interested?
What is his experience?
What are his expectations?
What can I learn?
Each time with each sub will be different and some of these questions are more important at various times. This helps me set up a framework for what I want to do during a scene but it will not give me a specific step by step plan for the scene. During the flow of the scene my partner and I will adjust as necessary to maximize everyone’s enjoyment. To be clear, this does not work every time and it will not work for everyone. However, I have found investing a little bit of time up front has provided me with better experiences than leaving things to chance.