Archives For In His Own Words

Below is a recount of 211’s trip to Berlin over spring break.  He had a new experience and mixed feelings during a scene there.  I really appreciate the candor with which he wrote:

The week prior to this was my spring break, and I spent my last few days in Berlin. While I did a few touristy things during the day, what stands out the most about my time in Berlin is how I spent my evenings. The most notable occurrence is best summed up by a recent tweet of mine, “I’ve always been told that I’d experience many new things studying abroad… I just didn’t think fisting would be one of them.”  Personally, I find the tweet to be quite humorous, and I want to say overall I did have an enjoyable experience, but I do have to admit that I am slightly bothered by the experience as well. There are a few reasons why this event sits a little uneasily with me, but the main reason is, in retrospect, my hesitancy to use a safe word.

If you were to look at my recon profile, or ask me what my hard limits are, you would have, and still will find that fisting is one of those. Going from that alone, the fisting (or rather the attempt as I did not take the entire fist) shouldn’t have happened that night, but it did. There are three reasons why it did happen, the dominant and I didn’t discuss limits, I was in sub space and was therefore more willing to push my limits, and lastly my hesitancy to use my safe word during the scene. I want to not that I am by no means trying to say that I regretted that night, or that the dominant took advantage of me, but rather I am merely trying to learn something from that night.

As I said before, we didn’t discuss limits or the use of safe words before we started playing. This discussion is extremely important and, in my personal opinion, should happen before meeting up for a scene. Now this isn’t always the easiest thing to do, especially when meeting people at an event or bar, but people should make there best effort to do so or at the very least be prepared to bring things up as a scene is going. This brings me to my concerns about subspace. While I find that the head space is a truly pleasurable experience, I also see it as being dangerous for a sub.

The reason I say this is because being in that headspace, at least for me, makes you more likely to push limits and therefore makes you more vulnerable. While many people may say that limits are meant to be pushed, it is my firm belief for this to be done with a person you trust, and who knows you well enough to determine how far they can push your limits. That night I was deep in my headspace, and because of that I wasn’t as aware of what was occurring in the scene. While I originally thought he was fingering me to prepare me for penetration, I slowly realized that his only intention was to use his hand. Part of me wanted to use my safe word and tell him no, but at the same time I didn’t want to ruin the scene.

In hindsight, I really had no reason to worry about ruining the scene because several times earlier in the night the dominant I was with proved to be understanding and respectful of my limits, and would pause what we were doing to comfort me and ensure me that we wouldn’t do anything that I didn’t want. The first incident was when I was going down on him, and a crowd of people started to jack off around my face. This started to make me feel really uncomfortable and the dominant notice, and said or signaled for the other guys to leave and they did. The second occurred when he started to piss on me and I immediately reacted by pulling away. At first, he continued what he was doing because I hadn’t used a safe word, but when he realized that I was feeling uncomfortable, he stopped and pulled me up and started to hug me while apologizing.

Obviously, he was trying to ensure that I was comfortable and that he wasn’t doing anything that I didn’t want. However, this brings up the question of why he didn’t pick up on my discomfort when he was trying to fist me? There are a few possible answers to this question, but the one that I think occurred is how deep I was in my own headspace, and the headspace that he could have been in. I was so far in my headspace that I wasn’t one hundred percent aware of what was going on. I was aware that he was using he fingers, but I wasn’t aware that he was intending to fist me. By the time I realized what was going on I was at a loss for words because while I wanted to use my safe word, I was also in shock at what was going on. I believe that it was also possible that he was far enough in his headspace, that he didn’t realize I was having mixed feelings. The one thing that I’ve taken away from this is that I need to force myself to use my safe word when I’m feeling uncomfortable, and two that there are sometimes when my limits are going to be pushed and that I have to use those experiences to determine where I want my limits to lie.

I still consider myself to be pretty inexperienced when it comes to BDSM, but I’m very interested in trying new things and trying to push some of my soft limits. Back in mid-September I confessed to Fossil 9 my interest in testing the waters of pain play. He told me that he would be more than happy to help me out with that, but neither of us was free to try it right away.  It wasn’t until the end of November that I found myself in his playroom again, but sure enough the scene revolved around me being in pain.

I’ve always been a fan of Fossil biting me, but usually it isn’t that intense, but being the great dominant that he is, he and his partner Toil cranked up the intensity. The bite marks they left all over my body lasted for several days, and my nipples were quite sensitive making putting on shirts a fun experience (for some reason Fossil and Toil favor my right nipple when it comes to biting and teasing them).

Anyways, the night started out pretty typically, after talking for a bit and saying hi to Fossil’s huge bio puppy, I end up in the playroom locked in a cage and left to sit for a bit. Once Fossil and Toil are done with whatever it is they do will away, they come back in and let me out of the cage, but quickly handcuff my hands behind my back. On this particular night they had me stand and locked a chain hanging from the ceiling around my neck. Then they added to the restraints by binding my arms in chains.

I soon find myself with my pants wrapped around my ankles, revealing the blue jock strap that I was ordered to wear that night. Toil pulls aside the pouch so he can start teasing my cock. With a stern glare, he watches my face as he switches between stroking my cock and squeezing my balls in his strong grip. After a short bit he steps behind, hands still playing with my dick, and I can feel his hard on through his fatigues pressing up against me. Even though chains bind my arms, and handcuffs encircle my wrists, I have enough mobility in my hands to start playing with his hard-on through his pants. He unzips himself and lets me dig his cock out so I can feel the hardness in my hands, but only for so long. He steps away and I’m quickly blindfolded.

Hands return to teasing my dick, but this time Toil orders me to open my mouth and stick out my tongue. I feel Toil’s finger run along my cock wiping off the bed of pre cum that’s forming at the head, that same finger finding it’s way onto my tongue forcing me to taste the signs of my own arousal. This goes on for several minutes, with the occasional wad of spit thrown in from Fossil and Toil. They soon unlock the handcuffs and remove the chains from my arm and neck in order to strip me completely down to just my jockstrap. I’m quickly ordered to my knees and told to crawl forward still blindfolded. Waiting before me is Toil, sitting on the top of the cage with his hard cock and balls sticking out of his fly waiting to be serviced my mouth and tongue. I run my face up against his leg in search for his dick, but when I get to it I’m not allowed to put it in my mouth. I’m ordered to lap at his balls with my tongue. Eventually I’m allowed to suck on his nuts, and after a while I’m rewarded with the taste of his hard cock on my tongue.

Toil leans forward to tease my cock some more, and when he has his fill of teasing me, he pushes me back and orders me to put my back on the ground. For a while I lie there slightly contorted with my knees still on the ground, my torso bent back to the ground, my arms lying down to either side of my head, palms up. I feel the sharp tip of a Sharpie scrape across my chest, marking me with my number – 211. When I feel the final stroke on the last number I say, “Thank you, Sir” and am rewarded with a light slap on the cheek and a “good boy.”  Hands return to teasing my cock and balls, but this time my junk is being slapped with the back of hand rather than being stroked and fondled. After having their fun slapping around my balls, Fossil orders me to extend out my legs so they can remove my jockstrap, which is quickly turned into a gag by being shoved in my mouth.

I hear a few clicks of the camera, the flash bleeding through the blindfold, which Fossil had been using since the start to document my submission. After Fossil finished taking a few more pictures of my vulnerable, naked body, Fossil orders me to lift up my arms one at a time so he can lock metal cuffs on my wrists. In a short time I was to learn how lucky I was that he graciously chose to use the lighter weight cuffs. Similar cuffs are locked around my ankles and once again I hear the click of the camera. While pictures are being taken I feel the heavy weight of either Fossil’s or Toil’s booted foot press down on my stomach – the classic symbolic gesture of dominance and conquest.

I’m ordered to sit up with my hands kept behind my back legs spread apart to allow Toil access to put a ball parachute on my. Once secure he gives it a couple of quick tugs, and my entire body shivers from the slight burn that comes from having my balls stretched away from my body. He stops tugging on the chain of the parachute just long enough to give me one of the two surprises that he had in store for me that night. A few months earlier I had mentioned my desire to start exploring with nipple clamps, and ended up buy a set of Japanese clovers from Mr. S Leather (using the link from Fossil’s page so he could get a small kickback for my purchase). Fossil remembered this small incident and surprised me by clamping my nipples with the same kind of clamps I had just ordered for myself.

The chain between the clamps was placed in my mouth and I was ordered to lift my chin, pulling the chain, which causes the clamps to tighten on my nipples. Toil quickly returned to teasing my cock and pulling on the ball parachute, while Fossil continued to take pictures of me while I was moaning in both pain and pleasure from all the stimulation my body was getting. After a few strokes to my cock, Toil tells me to drop the chain from mouth, which he quickly replaces with his finger, which was covered with my pre-cum. After I finish sucking Toil’s finger clean, Fossil orders me the extend my arms backwards as far as I can, and then he locks the cuffs around my wrists to a chain hanging from the ceiling, preventing me from being able to put my arms down.

He then moves down to my legs, which he orders me to raise in order for him to lock them to a different chain hanging from the ceiling. Once I’m all secure, he tugs on the chain from the nipple clamps, and then places it between my teeth once more and orders me to pull the chain taunt – causing me to groan as the clamps exert more pressure on my nipples. My nipples are already on fire from the clamps, and soon my shoulders begin to feel the burn of my arms being forced to remain extended in such an awkward position. I can’t tell you for how long I was in that position, but I can tell you that it felt like an eternity.

The entire time that I struggled in this position, Fossil and Toil teased me and called me a little bitch. They asked me if I was going to cry, and in all honesty I was on the brink of doing just that. However, I wanted to make them proud of me so I tried to suck it up as best as I could. They had me raise my chin once more, putting even more tension on my poor nipples. They egged me on telling me that if I kept pulling on the chain, the clamps would eventually come off. Of course I tried my best to pull them off, but I didn’t have the will to inflict that amount of pain on myself. Eventually my arms began to start feeling numb, so I dropped the chain from my mouth to tell them. Fossil quickly removed my arms from their predicament and allowed me to lay my back on the ground.

As punishment for dropping the chain he strapped the shock collar around my neck, because I didn’t need to drop the chain to tell them about my arms, they would have understood what I was saying if I talked through my clenched teeth. However, Fossil was kind and didn’t give me a shock, but let me know that my next screw up would be punished. Because I didn’t have the balls to yank off the nipple clamps, Fossil does it for me, but not before he takes his time tormenting me first. He pulled the chain as hard as he could without yanking it off, and held the tension for a while before dropping it and causally saying, “oops.” Needless to say I’m writhing in pain, but my cock still remains hard. Fossil grabs hold of the chain again and starts pulling and says, “You do know that what hurts most about nipple clamps is when they come off,” and tugs the chain. I groan in pain as the blood rushes back into my one nipple – he only pulled the one clamp off – and once the pain begins to subside he pulls off the other one.

After letting me breath through the pain a bit, Fossil edges my cock some more, and when he finally gives me permission to cum, my load shoots up past my head and another shot hits me in the face. Both Toil and Fossil take their respective turns standing over me jacking off and shooting their load all over me. After a few more pictures I’m released and allowed to clean up before heading home to go to bed. I wake up the next day quite sore, but also quite fulfilled. I do my how daily routine of showering and getting dressed, a smile appearing on my face every time I catch a glimpse of my number when looking in the mirror. As I go through out my day I go online and check twitter and find a surprise. I find that Fossil tweeted a photo of me in the stress position he locked me in with the caption, “You won’t see this shit at Disneyland.” Sure enough my cock jumped in my pants and I began to look forward to my next visit.

After my recent post Safely Meeting a Dom a sub got in touch with me and offered some additional thoughts.  Below are some additional considerations that Playcurious put together.  At some point I will merge this with other similar posts I have to provide a single resource.  Here are his thoughts on safely meeting a Dom, in his own words:

•    If you want to do bondage, make certain you know your Dom well. When you are bound up and immobile (The best kind, to me), a Dom can do anything and you can’t stop them. If this doesn’t set off all sort of alarm bells, go jerk off a few times and then come back when you have a level head.
•    See if there is a local group into what you like, NY has a good bondage club, other major cities have other kink parties of different varieties. They can be a great place to test out your kink a little bit and meet people in the community in person. At these you can usually tell who are the regulars who are well respected.
•    Generally you want to find a Dom who has a network. That is, they know other Doms and subs and still converse with them. This means that they both have played before (and possibly regularly), as well as the people they play with come back for more.
•    If it’s your first time as a sub, it’s good to find a Dom who has subbed before. They know what it feels like to sub for the first time, and that can help them lead you through it. That said, there is only one first and mine was with a guy who started as a sub, and there are definitely some Dom-only guys who would be great for a first time.

Arriving at the scene:
•    You will get butterflies. You will be nervous. I still get butterflies when going out for a first meeting. It’s just the nature of what you’re doing. Man up, show up, and say hi to the Dom anyways. It takes a lot of willpower to willingly submit to someone. If you really can’t go through with it, then TELL THE Dom. If you just don’t show up with no warning, then you will have successfully pissed of the Dom, which makes it so you probably don’t want go to that Dom again. It may help to talk to the Dom on the phone ahead of the session to help squash your worries, talk about their history, and what play they’ve done, so you can be confident both with them as a person, as well as gain more confidence in their background/history.

During the session:
•    If you’re new to a Dom, and nervous, it’s good to setup checkpoints. Things where the Dom has to pause and check with you before continuing. It can help reassure you that the Dom is working within your constraints, while still hopefully toying with you and taking you unexpected places.
•    If you’re still nervous, during some light play time just test out the safe words. Make sure they work and that when you say the word for “stop and drop everything immediately” the Dom really does just stop, even if there isn’t much going on, and ask why and what needs to change to resolve the issue. Note I say only in light play, because a safeword in the middle of a heavy scene can really pull apart the enjoyment of the scene, absolutely do it if you need to, but possibly ruining the scene just when it’s getting fun is no fun.
•    If you’re doing something you’ve seen that interests you: that crazy suspension predicament bondage, that guy covered completely in wax drippings, or that one with a glowing red ass from flogging – Try it light first. Start with escapable bondage, a couple of drops of hot wax on your chest, or a light spanking before you go deep. That said, if you find you like it, don’t be afraid to dive deep. A good Dom should do light testing if it’s your first time with the Dom in that kind of play, to figure out how you take it.
•    Setup times to talk frankly to the Dom, where you cannot be punished and feel free to talk about anything and everything in the scene, what you liked, what you didn’t, what was good and bad. It’s useful. Communication is important, and critical to ensuring everyone has a good time.